Monday Night Raw-llins emanated live from Baltimore, MD, in a show comprised mostly as filler primarily designed to set up next week's Night of Champions big go home show, and "season premier", that features two championship matches. This week's episode featured a solid match between Paige and Sasha Banks, another unapologetic squashing of The Ascension, a TMZ style expose of Lana/Ziggler/Summer Rae's angle, Sting playing a babyface version of the Joker from the Dark Night as well as the 145372nd match between Randy Orton and Sheamus. Jean Paul Sartre once said that Hell is other people. I, however, would have to disagree and say that Hell is Randy Orton vs Sheamus. On repeat. Until the END OF TIME. So, kind of like this.
My personal highlight came when Big E ate a kazoo. That's right. On this wrestling show the most entertaining segment was a 300 pound black man eating a woodwind instrument. I don't know if that is a damming indictment of the state of RAW or testament to how entertaining the New Day are.
Anyway, we begin with a man featured heavily on this week's programme
The Trials and Tribulations of Seth Rollins
This was not a show for fans who dislike Seth Rollins.
On Monday night, Rollins was the most prominent character. And rightly so, Rollins has carried WWE for in excess of 12 months in the absence of major stars and in the process has become one.
As ever, Monday night began with one of Seth's filibustering specials as he implied the premise of this whole Sting rivalry was borne of Sting's jealousy over a statue. Chants of boring broke out before Sting appeared on screen in possession of Rollins' statue. Sting informed Rollins he had the opportunity to come and get it at any point during the night before Sheamus made his way to the ring to tease cashing in his briefcase at Night of Champions.
HHH announced backstage that, in preparation for Night of Champions, Rollins would be pulling double duty tonight in a singles match against Ryback followed by a three on three tag match that saw him team up with the New Day to take on Prime Time Players and John Cena.
Before Rollins first match, Ryback cut one of the most wooden promos in the history of the WWE. You could almost see the cue card's reflection in his eye as he first compared Rollins to a weasel then a thoroughbred before informing everyone of his plans complete with an invisible demonstration.
Anyway, Rollins' match with Ryback turned out to be okay in the end minus the same interchangeable beginning used for all RAW matches. After Sting appeared on the tron, Ryback, or Fly-back because apparently that is a thing now, rolled Rollins up with an inside cradle after the distraction to pick up the victory.
The night was not over for Rollins as he ran into the New Day backstage for one of the best backstage segments in a while which saw Rollins/Edge have a stare down, the Dudley Boys announce they would be facing the team victorious in next week's Tag Team Championship match between New Day and Prime Time Players at Night of Champions and a musical battle between Xavier Woods' trombone and Christian's Kazoo which resulted in Big E eating the kazoo.
The night ended with the typical three on three tag match that was mitigated by the actions of the New Day and in particular Xavier Woods' trombone. After John Cena received a long ass beating by the heels (it was so long I don't think Darren Young was tagged in at all), Cena made the pin fall to complete the victory after an AA.
And to top off what had been a terrible night for Rollins, the show concluded with Sting tosses Seth's statue into a garbage truck.
Now, I don't really understand how Rollins is the bad guy in any of this. Time and time again Rollins' possessions are sabotaged by his opponents yet he is supposed to be the bad guy (See Ambrose stealing his MitB briefcase, Ambrose stealing his Championship, Brock smashing up his he bought as a gift and now Sting breaking his statue).
No real clues presented themselves as to the outcome of both championship defences at Night of Champions. Still, I maintain Rollins will retain his WWE World Heavyweight Championship. As with all Cena matches, you can never bet against LOLCENAWINS but it would make very little sense for Rollins to drop the championship to the man he defeated for it. Still, logic is often the first thing to be dismissed by WWE and stranger things have happened. Look at Ryback getting over, for example.
The Wyatt Family 2.0 vs The Diluted Shield
After last week's announcement that the Wyatt Family would face the Shie, sorry, Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose plus a mystery partner at Night of Champions, the team of Reigns and Ambrose defeated The Ascension, along with my last lingering hope for a competitive tag division, in under two minutes. At this point, the Wyatt Family appeared on screen as Stowman claimed he is the embodiment of destruction before Bray Wyatt promised that the apocalypse awaits Roman and Dean, along with their mystery partner, at Night of Champions.
Later in the night, Randy Orton was seen discussing matters backstage with Reigns and Ambrose apparently suffering a temporary amnesia that so many WWE superstars suffer with. After defeating Sheamus, Randy Orton was flanked by all three members of the Wyatt Family who proceeded to beat him down as a message to any one who would consider aligning with Reigns and Ambrose.
Now, I may well be wrong about this but i don't think there remains any mystery as to who the mystery third member is. Randy Orton ladies and gentleman, the capricious viper, now has motivation for joining forces with Reigns and Ambrose after receiving the beat down by the Wyatt Family. Considering the fractured history between Orton and Reigns/Ambrose, it would make literally no sense to have Orton willing to sacrifice his body for the sake of two men who have beaten the crap out of him for the past 18 months.
I hope I'm wrong and Orton tells them where to stick it next week.
I'm all for the new and improved Wyatt Family, particularly if Eric Rowan realigns with them. As I have mentioned previously, the Wyatt Family has limitless potential and could perhaps challenge The Authority for control of the company at some point. However, as I have been chastened by WWE in the past, I'm really struggling to see this as anything more than odds to overcome for the Big Dog. Again, I hope I'm wrong as stranger things have happened. Like Ryback getting over, for example.
Diva's Revolution
Thankfully Michael Cole was on hand to remind everyone that the "Diva's Revolution" was continuing on Raw this week and it did so with pretty solid match between Paige and Sasha Banks.
A lot of WWE's Diva division histrionics detracted from what could have potentially been a much better match. The match didn't really get going until the final few minutes but when it did it was pretty good. During the match, a this is awesome broke out. Now, not begrudge anyone having a good time but this wasn't awesome.
It was adequate. Nothing more.
Sure, in the context of all the filler on WWE programming this was very good, maybe even awesome. But in the context of what is going on worldwide this wasn't awesome. Not even close. All the better for you if you thought it was but I believe the average viewer has been conditioned to the poor standard of match quality on RAW that mediocrity disguises itself as awesomeness. The match ended when Sasha banks reversed the PTO submission into a small package to pick up the victory. At the end of the match, both PCB and team BAD stood united as last week's unravelling of the factions is put on hold.
Later in the show, Nikki Bella and team Bella reminded the audience it was only a week until she is officially crowned the longest Diva's Champion in WWE history before team PCB interrupted. Charlotte stated "we all know I love to party" before asking team Bellas why she wasn't invited to their celebration next week- as Charlotte has seemingly inherited her penchant for partying from her father, Ric Flair, it will be interesting to see if Tamina will inherit her father's penchant for murdering loved ones.
Charlotte informed team Bella their celebratory plans may be premature as= the Authority have altered her title opportunity to next week's episode before doing her best owl impression- seriously, Charlotte is not Ric Flair, nor will she ever be. All the wooing, the chops, the figure 8 is just a constant reminder she isn't Ric. Anyway, the segment ended with team PCB standing tall having cleared the ring.
At this stage, there is more chance of Heath Slater defeating Seth Rollins for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship than Charlotte defeating Nikki Bella next Monday. I can guarantee that the match will end in a DQ or the match will end with Paige turning on Charlotte.
I'm positive Nikki will enter Night of Champions as the longest reigning Diva's Champion in history. However, the match next week throws into doubt my previous prediction of Nikki walking out of Night of Champions still Diva's Champion. Next week's match suggests their could well be a definitive ending at Night of Champions with Charlotte being crowned the new champion and consequently he face of the "Diva's Revolution". Also, it is astonishing that WWE will be putting the match on free tv whilst concurrently trying to sell it on PPV. Regardless of questionable business decisions, THERE IS NO CHANCE NIKKI IS NOT GOING TO BREAK THE RECORD. Still, stranger things have happened. Like Ryback getting over.
WWE Championship Match: Sting vs Seth Rollins (C)
US Championship Match: John Cena vs Seth Rollins (C)
WWE Tag Team Championship: winner of the New Day/Prime Time Players vs The Dudley Boys
Rusev vs Ziggler
The Wyatt Family vs Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose & ??? (Randy Orton)
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